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Hello, beautiful beings. Welcome to Leadership by Design Podcast. I'm your host, Karina Apollonia Tripp, and you're about to listen to one of the few episodes that I recorded in the last two years and decided to keep on this podcast despite a slight change in my focus. And as of 2025, I am relaunching this podcast, and the focus is now all about entrepreneurship through the lens of human design and more specifically PG5 system, which is an official business application of human design. But there are some goodies from the past from the time that I was talking more about personal awakening site, which human design actually is. And I decided to keep them, and these episodes can support you in the conditioning process while claiming more of who you are. So you're about to listen to one of them, and I hope you enjoy it. Today I have a very vernable story for you. Story which, as always, we have human design education, so you can learn a lot about your own design listening to me share my own experience. And to start, I need to paint you a picture of till now hidden part of my life. I felt anxious and terrified each time I was about to log in to my bank account. Shallow breathing, loud and fast heartbeat, sweaty palms. I did not check my balance for a long time, and now it was the time to face the consequences of my overspending. And bills were not paid on time, so I got yet another letter of delayed payment and financial fine for missing the deadline. And irony was that I had the money to pay it, but I could not deal with the simple task of being in control, like logging to my account and making the transfer. And when I finally faced the music, I would do a budget, writing each small expense on the paper to the obscure level of tracking how much I paid for three bites of yogurt. And the same pattern showed up before I had to weigh myself. The exact same panic I felt before logging into my bank account overtaken me just before I stepped on the scale. I could feel the cold feet literally, and then when I went on, I was terrified to look down to see the number rising above what I could imagine. And since I was a teenager, I had immense problems with eating, and I had no control over food, stuffing myself with sweet, salty and soury snacks while binge watching serious in my room, even if I felt full. And all of it in a helpless and desperate act to distract myself from this overwhelming anxiety. Then, when I would gain weight and did not like what I saw in the mirror, I would turn into a control freak over every calorie I ate. And of course, because of it, I would gain and lose weight almost all my life. Never had it stable for a longer time. I have clothes in my wardrobe that are stretchy enough so I can wear them no matter the size. I was also lousy in control of my time. I somehow would always imagine that something can take less than it actually does. So, for example, doing homework as a student or when I was working as a stylist and costume maker, I had to use a lot of this adrenaline rush you feel when you procrastinated on something for a long time, and then you have to run in panic to finish things in the last moment. I was tripping over my own mess, looking for materials that were all over my apartment, and drinking yet another can of Red Bull to keep me through the night. Then, when the hassle was over and I have delivered what I promised, I just crashed, sleeping on the messy bed in my clothes on. After some time, I needed, of course, to organize and clean everything. So I would do it again to the obscure level. For example, when I was hanging my laundry, it had to be according to the right color. So I would be in total control of every single detail of my environment. What the hell is wrong with me? That I'm not able to be in control, or I am a total nut job control freak. I asked myself this question more times than you can ever imagine. And avoidance patterns and then the obsessive compulsiveness were basically my bread and butter. Part of it is still my reality, but nowadays to a much lesser degree. So, for example, I'm able to pay my bills on time, serve my clients with finished projects, but for example, I still have a very complicated relationship with food. And when I came to human design a few years ago and I learned that I have the channel of money 2145, and that according to the description, I am designed to be in control of my own resources, like money, time, food, etc., and possibly also be responsible of the resources of my people. When I saw it, I I laughed. That was not my reality at all. And since it is an unconscious part of my chart, I had an open mind to experiment and learn more about it. So over time, I have learned quite a lot. And depending on the planets and the lines of gates that are involved, you may experience it in so many different ways. Let me give you today an explanation on how it can show up in real life and why possibly having the money line, so the channel 2145, does not always mean that you have money. Also, why having gate 21 may mean you can be completely out of control. And I am also going to cover how you relate to the topic of control of your material life based on your chart, even if you do not have gate 21 consistently defined. On top of that, I will talk about the planet that brings the immature energy to your life, no matter what activations you have. Oh wow, that's quite a lot, but it's all juicy information, so I hope you can stay tuned till the end. Now, let's look at a real life example. So my own lovely Gate 21 sits there with the planet Mars in line one on the unconscious design side. As you may know or not know yet, Mars represents a maturing energy dynamic that can actually stay immature for a long time. And it is an energy of teenager, you know, full of stamina, but it's a little bit like a bull or elephant in a china shop. Means well, but things get messy fast. So when you go back to my story of being all over the place with control, it may start to make sense what why I have those patterns. And of course, there is more to it, other aspects of my nature, uh, and also the not-self that are playing into these behaviors. But this specific position in Mars is making it in general immature. Mars also represents the biggest mutation and fiery energy and change in your life. Mars is where you have the energy or not, if you are not operating correctly according to your nature. So, for example, if you have gate 21, again, depending on the planet that rules this gate, you may sense how this theme of control will show up in your life in many different ways. So, in my case, it is an immature expression. Or, for example, you can check the gate your conscious and unconscious Mars sits in and notice how this energy of this gate plays out for you personally. And I would love to hear your stories about that if you want to share them. So, in my case, we already know that the theme of control is ruled by Mars, a planet that brings a flavor of all over the place immature energy that it's unconscious. You already got a vivid picture that I tend to be a control freak or I do not have control at all. Literally, it felt like I did not know what I was doing, and still sometimes feel like a teenager trying to hide from the consequences. And the maturing of Mars takes time. When we live according to our nature, it possibly can be less severe over 40. And actually, this is when we are becoming adults according to human design. So I have already noticed that these control patterns are getting less and less dramatic over time. And one important thing to remember when we talk about the control of the gate 21, we talk about the tribal resources that impact our lives. It is control over our lives in areas of money, where we live, what we eat, our work, our time, and everything connected to making it on the material plane. And I do not talk about controlling others from your mind. It is always a not-self-action if it comes from your mind. For example, taking control of others' people's resources can only happen according to your strategy and authority. So being asked if you are a generator or manifesting generator if you want to be in control of someone's resources. Being recognized and invited if you are a projector. Being initiated and waiting for at least a lunar cycle if you are a reflector. And for a manifester, this is the place when they are really where they really need to ask others. They cannot just inform that they are taking control of somebody's material situation. Okay, so you know what means control in this space and what it doesn't. Um, you also know what Mars represents. Now, let's look at line one in gate 21. This is my line. I'm not going to analyze the details of line value described in the rave I Ching here. Um, this aspect is actually also really interesting in my life and in my chart because I have a very fixed, exalted expression of this energy. But for the sake of this episode and in general, sometimes it is better to look at simple line structure. It may be more practical and down-to-earth. So when you look at your own chart, I want you to observe the surface first. Surface coming from lines and gates. So the first line always represents investigation, foundation, details, introspection, studying, insecurity, and the need to know and dive deep to find safety because there is lack of safety without those foundations. That means that in my own life, the theme of control of my resources, my eating, my time, my finances might make me insecure. So I would need to study and get to the foundation and details of these areas of my life. Well, actually, my body did it many times. It is unconscious, so I would not be always aware that this is what is happening for me, but over time I would see a pattern. The pattern, as I have mentioned, was that, for example, I would do a very detailed budget to be aware of what is going on, and it felt great, and yet the teacher of control for me in this lifetime is Mars. So I would not stick to my control budget for a very long time, you know, like teenagers. They are not always in charge, they're just living the life, right? It was very immature all over the place, dynamic in my life. Not only with money, but as you know, with my time, food, work, and everything connected to the material plane. That is why when you read a generic description of the channels or gates, the context and detail are extremely important. It takes time to actually be able to look at your chart in a very holistic way. Because we are full of paradoxes, and this is one that helps me to feel less shameful and guilty about my own experience. On top of that, as my design son position is in the gate 45 in line 6, so it's another part of the channel of money. And I am designed to be a tribal queen who is in control of material resources, and I was it was not something I really embodied. Those times when I would have no control of no control over it at all, and had this crippling anxiety about even looking at my bank account were total opposite of what that energy can do. And these patterns were the most disturbing in my 20s. Why then exactly? So I have a force profile, and it means that I have three phases of my life, especially connected to my material resources. So the first phase between being born to the age of 29, it is the third-line trial and error phase, and it is connected to having what I have, what I don't have, as this is a theme of the Gate 45. So I had a lot of trouble with my generosity and giving. For example, I would lend money to people and not get it back. I would take a big loan from the bank for my boyfriend who could not do it in his own name, and because he was in trouble, I wanted to help him. Then shortly after we broke up, I saw the message from him: I don't have the money to pay you back, I will stop doing the transfer. I'm sorry. I remember feeling dizzy and completely terrified. I could not breathe when I was reading that. I was hoping it was just a bad dream. So at the age of 20, I was left with the debt that was quite big and wasn't even mine. Now lesson is learned, but the cost was very high. I managed to get through it biting through and working hard and paid it off by myself after some years, but it was not easy. It was a very traumatic experience that to this day has an effect on my nervous system. Add to that the immature Mars sitting on the other side in the gate 21, and this energy who can be out of control, and you have the recipe for some big, big worries. So the money would come to me, but then it would slip away from my fingers. There was always something unexpected to pay, so much drama. I don't have time even to tell you all of those stories in this episode. Maybe I will do it in the future, but I also, for example, have a completely open splenic center and undefined Ajna Center. So not having a sense of security and certainty about surviving was a big factor in being traumatized about this material plane and the reason of me crying for many nights, wondering if I can ever catch a break and have some peace and safety. For a few years now, I am on the roof. Meaning it's the second phase of my six-line life. So the age between 29 and around 50. And it is time to heal. This is a phase for every six-line being to heal, and you know, it's the phase where you feel more protected from the struggle you met when you were younger. It is time to finally have a break, and in my case, to be protected in the themes of the Gate 45. So the resources I have. And I have to tell you to give you some hope. Um, yes, it feels so much calmer. I have less drama, actually, almost no drama. And of course, I am still a work in progress, but thankfully, I met Human Design exactly a few years ago when I went on the roof during my Saturn return. And I found out that it was just a phase for me to grow, learn, and prepare for being a role model for my tribe in the future. About the money and all types of material possibilities. Making these mistakes was necessary, and I am grateful for the experience. Although my nervous system is shutting me down quite often when it comes to money. So I'm slowly showing it more safety so I can feel even more relaxed and open to receive. And this is a process, it's not an overnight thing. And I have learned so many lessons. I'm still learning. So for me, being a human design analyst is an incredible skill that helps me to deepen my lessons and course correct following my body and looking at this signpost for me if I'm going into the right direction. So, what are the lessons I have learned? There are three big ones. There's many more, but uh, for the sake of this episode, I wanted to offer you three. Um they are useful for my life, but they can be also useful for yours. The first lesson is the realization that being in control of my resources, my time, and everything connected to the material plane is not easy for me because it's Mars. But it is necessary to experience peace. Line one needs to know the foundation, do the research and check the details. So when I was avoiding that living, spending, or consuming without having an overview of what was going on, I felt immense anxiety and anger towards myself. When I had control, there was peace, especially if the control did not come from the place of fear and actually overcompensation, but from healthy need to be in charge of my own life. And those signposts are amazing for me. So peace versus anger and anxiety, especially when we talk about unconscious definition. So if you have this gate defined in your chart, gate 21, what is the line value? And if you do not have this gate defined, you are still going to resonate to it through your profile lines. And this is true for each gate. And now I quote, you do not have. This is what is called in human design the genetic continuity. And based on that, you need to know that you have every gate. Some of them are consistent, meaning defined, and some of them are inconsistent. And you resonate to the lines that are part of your profile, even if you do not have them in your chart, as you do not have planet there. So the themes of control, for example, if you have the 2.5 profile, will show up for you as a second line of the 21st gate consciously, and the fifth line of the gate 21 unconsciously. And it goes the same pattern for each profile. So lines 1, 2, and 3 are not interested in the other, they are interested in their own process. Lines 4, 5, and 6 are transpersonal, so the topic of control will also involve other people. You already know that first line needs security, solid foundations, and details about controlling the material aspects of your life. The first line does a lot of studying and they can become experts about what it means to be in control of the material plane. If you have a second line, you may have no idea if you are or you are not in control. So, for example, you may be naturally doing so, being in control and projecting outwards, you do, but you actually have no idea how you do it. It can come without effort. And very often you need to be called out to take control. And if you do not feel the call, you just want to be left alone doing your own thing. If you are a third line, you make mistakes, potentially letting others control your material life and feeling powerless, hating to have a boss or breaking bonds with your business partners, but at the same time, you can be very resilient to persevere and to be really successful on the material plane, especially when you learn from your so-called mistakes. If you have a fourth line, you may externalize the control and be very fixed in the way you need things to be in order to feel secure and safe, and you actually have the predisposition to become a leader of material resources of your tribe if you act according to your strategy and authority, and this is your path. If you have a fifth line, people may project onto you that you should be in control of the material resources, and they might often expect you to take this control if there is any crisis, for example. So you are here to bring some heretical message and universalize what it means to be in control. It needs to be very practical because otherwise your message won't be heard, and people may have a tendency to blame you if anything went wrong. So it is very important for you to set clear expectations. Um, you know what you can do, what you cannot do, just to avoid having your reputation ruined. And if you have nothing practical to give, to say it's better not to do it at all. If you have a six line in the first 30 years of your life, you might have experienced chaos and many mistakes, regardless of the topic of being in control. And when you are on the roof face between the age of 30 and 50, you may be very aloof, not involved, and just observing others and learning what it means to be in control of one's own material world. And it is your time to be objective and wise about the topic. So people, for example, may come to you for advice, and it may be hard to live yourself what you teach others. That's what six lines are doing. But with your wisdom and objectivity, you can be a big support to those people who seek advice from you. And it takes some time to become a role model. But after the age of 50, if you follow your strategy and authority, you have a chance and potential to truly embody the wisdom to authentically live what you preach. The second lesson shows me that Mars is a great teacher. The tendency to be immature in this area is a big possibility, and that is important for me to know. When I become aware of my blind spots, I can get clear on what to do about them. And Mars as a planet of energy dynamic can easily show me if I am in alignment or not. So I have experienced a lack of energy, being sluggish, frozen, anxious, and angry when I was not in control over my material life. And this state took away all the life force I had. So Mars also teaches you courage. So the moment I had the boss to take control and look at unpleasant aspects of my material life, I have experienced peace after I did that. Mars teaches you also to become the vigilant parent of your inner teenager. I know my tendencies, and I made a clear decision to not escape anymore. But I do know that this part of my chart is immature, so I need to be careful. How do you parent teenagers? You set boundaries and rules, but also allow for mistakes and show love when they made mistakes, asking what they have learned. And they will learn, they will finally become adults, but it takes time. So this is how I decided to work with this energy. I need rules for myself, I need boundaries, but I also need kindness, love, and support when I fail, because I'm going to fail. I am a teenager here, on the way to become an adult. That is really what I was missing for all of these years. If you are ready for that, I want you to look at your conscious and unconscious Mars and contemplate where you might experience immature energy dynamics in your life. Um, do you notice if in this area you need to learn how to parent your inner teenager? Mars can also bring the energy of enthusiasm and courage, you know, aliveness in whatever it planets sits in. So I wonder if you notice something like this regarding the gates you have in your Mars. Now the third lesson is all about willpower. If you have your heart center colored in, you have something to prove. And it is important to keep promises to yourself and others. Willpower, when it's defined, it is like a muscle. It needs to be trained. If you do not train it, if you do not challenge yourself, it may atrophy and you might not have easy access to it when it's necessary. And I'm not talking here about pushing it from the mind. We know that you need to follow your strategy and your inner authority, but it is important to be aware that being in control of your material resources needs training. The same goes for every other gate located in the heart center. So I did not train my willpower at all. It is unconscious, and up until not so long ago, I knew that something was wrong, but I didn't know what. And I am very clear now that it is time to exercise my beautifully defined motor and also give myself rest and reward afterwards. This is a very big part of having a defined heart center. Before I was just rewarding myself for nothing. I was promising myself to stay in control, but I would break this promise over and over again. And if you do that, and if you have a defined ego center, you literally can break your own heart. So promise only if it is in alignment with your strategy and authority. If it is your authority, then better keep these promises. Otherwise, it may hurt you a lot. And the situation changes when you do not have a defined heart center. It means that you can become very wise about the themes of the material plane and you are not limited to experiencing fixed energy, like, for example, me. You may still have a planet that teaches you a lesson, but you are more open to a different aspects of how this energy would show up. For example, if you have gate 21 in an undefined heart center, you're here to learn about control, learn a lot. And your mind will try to trick you into proving something to yourself or others. You may overextend yourself with promises you cannot keep, and afterward, you base your own value on the fact that your willpower is not consistent. Remember, you are not here to promise anything or to prove anything. You can still work with willpower if it is aligned with your strategy and authority, but it is not something you have to train. It comes and goes depending on the people and transits, and it can always bring some other nuances that can expand your own experience. The less you promise, the better. And be kind to yourself, and with your openness, you can become a teacher about the themes connected to the material plane. These three lessons have really changed now how I embody the design of a materialist, the essence of the channel 2145. As I said, it takes time and also a lot of details and holistic analysis to look at a human being in a way that is practical and also takes into consideration all aspects of our body graph. Even those aspects you think are wrong or shameful, like I thought about the control topic in my life. I have so much more understanding and compassion towards myself now, even if it's not always easy to have that experience. We all have traits that are more difficult than the other, or at least that's how we perceive them as difficult. And they can be a great asset on our path, but we need to learn how to embody them in congruence with our nature and our own values. My friend, let me invite you into a little fun experiment. This podcast is still a wee one, and I so deeply desire to spread my work as far as I can. If you love this show, please rate it and review it on Apple Podcast. Or if you are listening on Spotify, simply rate it and leave a comment under your favorite episode. As a thank you, I will send you my living your design self-study program. All you need to do is email me a screenshot at contact at karinaapolloniatrip.com with the subject line podcast. You will find the email in the show notes. And once you do, you will get access to Google Drive with 10 modules covering the foundations of the human design system. About 15 hours of content to support your deconditioning and awakening journey. Inside, I cover all the types, strategies, authorities, and also the nine centers in depth. As you know, I work with business owners through the BG5 system, but I'm also officially certified as a living your design guide. And this program is the most important step if you truly desire to make decisions from your authentic truth. This gift may shift or change in the future, but for now, I want to make this work available to as many of you as possible and to support my community. So if you want to support me as well and you truly enjoy this show, let's do it.